Many autistic adults describe themselves as “oversharers.”

They say it with a mix of pride and apology. Pride, because openness is how they find people who think like them. Apology, because the same behavior is treated as awkward, inappropriate, or “too much.”

In clinical work, I increasingly see that this tension is not about poor boundaries. It is about a mismatch between autistic disclosure logic and dominant social rules about when, how, and why people are expected to share personal information.

What if “oversharing” is not a failure of self-control or social understanding, but a strategy operating in a system that misreads it?

A Quick Foundation: Powell’s Levels of Self-Disclosure

One helpful way to understand disclosure is through a five-level model commonly attributed to Powell. These levels describe content depth, not relational appropriateness.

• Level 5: Cliché communication
  Social scripts and stock phrases (“How are you?” “Busy.”)
• Level 4: Facts and biographical information
  Concrete details (“I work remotely.” “I grew up here.”)
• Level 3: Personal attitudes and ideas
  Opinions, interpretations, values (“I think that policy causes harm.”)
• Level 2: Personal feelings
  Emotional states and inner experience (“I felt dismissed.”)
• Level 1: Peak communication
  Deep meaning-making, identity, vulnerability—typically reserved for close relationships

This model is often taught as if moving “down” the levels automatically signals greater intimacy.

Autistic communication frequently disrupts that assumption.

The Core Mismatch: Content Depth ≠ Relational Intimacy

A critical clarification:

• Disclosure level describes the type of content shared
• Intimacy is a property of the relationship, not the content

Autistic adults may share Level 3 ideas or Level 2 feelings:

• without intending to escalate closeness,
• without expecting reciprocal disclosure,
• and without treating disclosure as social currency.

Many neurotypical listeners infer intent from depth (“If you told me that, you must want closeness”). Many autistic speakers treat depth as information, not implication.

This is where “oversharing” gets named.

Reframing “Oversharing” as Strategic Signal, Not Boundary Failure

When viewed functionally, what gets labeled as oversharing often serves clear adaptive purposes:

• Affinity detection
  Quickly identifying people who share interests, values, or cognitive style
• Cognitive offloading
  Reducing ambiguity by externalizing internal logic (“If I explain the full picture, you won’t misread me”)
• Relational sorting
  Learning early who is safe, aligned, or worth further investment

In this sense, autistic disclosure often functions as a diagnostic probe of the social environment—not indiscriminate emotional dumping.

A Brief Vignette: When Strategy Gets Misread

An autistic adult meets a new colleague and discovers a shared interest. Within minutes, the conversation moves from surface facts to detailed ideas and personal meaning.

The autistic person leaves thinking:
“That was efficient. Now I know if this is someone I can actually talk to.”

The colleague leaves thinking:
“That was intense. Why did they get so personal so fast?”

Same interaction.
Different disclosure logic.

Disclosure Is Also a Relational Process

Most social systems quietly expect disclosure to be:

• A function of ongoing relationship
• Reciprocal in pace and depth
• Timed to the moment (opening, shared task, repair, emotional processing)

Autistic adults often respect truthfulness and relevance, while violating timing expectations.

So the issue is rarely what was shared.

It is when, with whom, and under what unspoken relational contract.

A Three-Axis Model for Understanding “Oversharing”

Instead of a single ladder, disclosure can be mapped across three axes:

Axis 1: Content Depth

(Powell’s Levels 5 → 1)

Axis 2: Relational Status

• Stranger
• Acquaintance
• Task-based relationship (work, healthcare, school)
• Emerging personal relationship
• Established intimate relationship

Axis 3: Interactional Timing

• Opening / orienting
• Shared activity
• Repair / clarification
• Emotional processing
• Closure / consolidation

“Oversharing” most often occurs when content depth advances faster than relationship or timing, not because the disclosure itself is inappropriate.

Common Autistic Disclosure Patterns (Briefly Mapped)

• Rapid depth after shared interest → affinity detection
• Personal disclosure in task settings → operational clarity
• Emotional transparency without reciprocity → self-regulation
• Late, high-impact disclosure → compressed processing
• Peak meaning without exclusivity → authenticity, not entitlement
• Detailed explanation after misattunement → repair through precision

Across patterns, autistic disclosure is typically:

• Function-driven rather than intimacy-driven
• Content-accurate but timing-misaligned
• Honest rather than socially strategic

A Clinically Useful Reframe

Instead of asking:

“Did I overshare?”

Try asking:

• What function was I trying to serve with that disclosure?
  (Connection, clarity, safety, sorting, self-regulation)
• What level of relationship did the other person think we were in?
• Was my timing legible to them, even if my content was accurate?

This reframes disclosure as a skill set, not a moral failing.

Why Autistic People Both Own and Apologize for “Oversharing”

The tension makes sense:

• Pride: “This is how I find my people. It works.”
• Apology: “This keeps being punished, even when it’s honest and effective.”

Labeling this pattern as “oversharing” collapses cognition, strategy, and social mismatch into a personal flaw.

A more accurate description is this:

A relational tool operating in a system not designed to interpret it correctly.

Try This: A Practical Translation Tool

Before or after a disclosure that feels risky, ask yourself:

1. Which axis am I advancing right now—depth, relationship, or timing?
2. Is this person oriented to the same axis in this moment?
3. If not, do I want to translate—or am I okay with sorting here?

There is no requirement to disclose less.
The goal is choosing when and how your disclosure works for you.

Final Thought

The work is not to make autistic people smaller, quieter, or more edited.

The work is to:

• preserve honesty and depth,
• reduce unnecessary social penalties,
• and replace shame with choice.

Because disclosure is not a flaw. It is a language.

Powell, J. A. (1969). Self-disclosure: The key to interpersonal relationships. (Often cited in counseling and communication training texts; exact formulations vary across sources.)

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